


delicate

by tteguri



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Kissing, M/M, feeding (in the most non sexual way), mentions of food, unhealthy relationship with food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26861122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tteguri/pseuds/tteguri
Summary: seokwoo doesn’t take care of himself but chanhee does it for him
Relationships: Kang Chanhee | Chani/Kim Seokwoo | Rowoon
Kudos: 24





	delicate

when they turned off the vlive seokwoo stayed to clean up things, even if their manager said the cleaning lady will clean all up tomorrow morning. 

it’s something he always did, cleaning up after himself of others. it makes him feel a bit better, a bit useful, when he feels down. 

he had been feeling down a lot, lately. it’s the injury, maybe, or all the stress because he’s filming and they just put out a song and everything and sometimes he just wants to sleep. 

some other times he’s just so angry. about his drama, that’s making him dieting since months, about his schedules who hardly give him time to breath, about his life, about everything. sometimes he just want to explode and screw everything up for good. 

he throws away the empty and the forks they used before, gathering the leftovers and wondering if it’s best to put them in the fridge or bringing them home and at least wrap them up before putting them away. 

he hasn’t eat anything, of course. the director wants him as skinny as ever and so he has to be really careful. pizza, fried chicken, cake ... he can’t. 

he always can’t. 

it really sounds like a pity party he’s throwing to himself. a pity party he throws almost every time he has two seconds to think about his life. 

maybe if just something at least decent will happen, something that’s not for once work related, since the only thing he seems good at is working. 

«hi.»

he knows this voice by heart, so he doesn’t have to turn around to see who it is. he still does though, because it’s chanhee and seeing him is almost the only positive thing seokwoo had for himself for several days. 

of course, chanhee doesn’t know. 

if he’d know, he would be repulsed, seokwoo just knows that. he is, of himself, sometimes, when his affection towards him is just too much, and he just wants to high him, to touch him, to kiss him. he tried not to think about that too much, to shake it off, because he can’t have those feelings. 

as always, he can’t. 

he hides everything pretty well, though. his sadness, his love, his pain everything related to his feelings is something he just bottles up, hoping things will go away eventually. 

«hi. did you forgot something?» he asks chanhee, looking at him and trying not to think too much about how he’s prefect, fluffy hair and a dark sweater that fits him perfectly. he had really bulked up and his toned muscles shows a little under his clothes. 

«yeah, my phone.» 

chanhee looks for it on the couch, finding it almost immediately and putting it onto his back pocket. 

seokwoo looks at him - his hands, so small, delicate, almost feminine, his back, strong and muscular even though he’s wearing at least two layers, his little ears - and almost wants to cry. 

chanhee would probably comfort him. he’s not that cold, he’s a bit awkward with feelings but he usually tries his best. he’d probably try to make him laugh or pat him on his back and that would be so lovely. having someone, having chanhee, trying to make him better. 

but of course seokwoo can’t. 

«you didn’t eat anything today.» says chanhee, turning around to look right at seokwoo. 

he noticed. chanhee is very attentive and smart when he wants to. he tried to convince seokwoo to eat - a bunch of looks that made seokwoo blush, thanks god he’s wearing make up - but he refused so chanhee just gave up, since they were on live with the guys. 

«i’m on a diet. i can’t ...» 

chanhee just sits on the couch, taking on his lap a box with pizza leftovers. 

«sit here. eat.» 

seokwoo sits, but doesn’t take the box. he appreciates his concerns though, but as said, he can’t. 

he says that to him, that he can’t, but chanhee doesn’t give in. he cuts a tiny piece of pizza and places it next to seokwoo’s mouth. 

«i don’t care. eat. it’s good. you deserve it.»

the pizza is somehow still warm, and smells amazing. it’s from one of seokwoo’s favorite places, with extra cheese on top. he can almost feel the sweet cheese flavour in his mouth, mixed with the acid taste of tomato. 

but he can’t. 

he shakes his head. 

«oh god, you are so annoying.» 

that’s when chanhee put the pizza box on the table and goes on seokwoo’s lap, still with the fork in his hand, that he puts between him and seokwoo. 

seokwoo nearly dies. 

it never happened before, not like this, not since seokwoo’s aware, so he tries not to think about it in inappropriate ways - they are just friends and chanhee wants him to eat this is nice, nothing else - but he’s distracted and shocked so he founds himself with a tiny piece of pizza in his mouth. 

it’s heaven. seokwoo hadn’t eat anything he really likes since ... he doesn’t even remeber. and it’s amazing, how soft and delicious the small bit is, how the cheese is melting in his mouth, ha almost forgets chanhee, he almost forgets to breathe, because everything is so good. 

when he swallows, though, reality hits him. he just ate something he shouldn’t, chanhee’s to close and he needs to run away. 

«can i ... can you move? i need to get going and ...» 

«no. eat. i had enough of you looking like a ghost and skipping meals. eat. you won’t get fat if you for once allow yourself to have something good. your body needs food. you deserve to be nourished.» 

it’s the way he says it, like he knows everything, and maybe he does and this is him trying to help seokwoo, or maybe he just noticed something but whatever, he cares. he cares about him, he wants him to be healthy. 

he thinks he deserves food. 

it’s weird because seokwoo can’t recall when he decided he didn’t deserve to have a cheat day, or a rest day or anything. he just started thinking he couldn’t do things like this and moved on, because he had to. 

and he couldn’t stop because he didn’t deserve it. 

he’s so carried away from the realisation that he didn’t notice another small bite in his mouth until he automatically starts to chew it. it’s so good. he almost feels like crying how good it is having finally some food in him, food he actually likes. 

he hasn’t even time to think, to feel guilty, because when he finally swallows the bite chanhee has another ready. and seokwoo gives in, just lets him feed him, even if something in his mind is screaming that he can’t that he doesn’t deserve it and it will ruin everything. 

but with every bite, the voice feels more distant.

«good boy.» says chanhee when the pizza slice is over. 

he cleans his mouth and his chin with a napkin, like seokwoo’s a baby. 

he doesn’t know how to feel. guilty, for sure. he almost feel the urge to vomit everything even if it’s just a slice but chanhee’s on him and it makes him feel numb to the voice in his head that’s telling him he had committed a terrible sin. 

but it felt so good. 

it still feels so good, good in his stomach and chanhee on him, even though he has no excuses to be there anymore. he’s just looking at him like he’s about to say something. 

so it’s seokwoo that speaks, before things will get awkward. 

«thank you.» he says, looking at chanhee and really meaning that, since he knows chanhee did it for him and even though the voice in his head he’s screaming at him it’s okay. 

«you are welcome.» 

then chanhee moves closer, he shifts his head slowly, towards seokwoo, that has the time to figure what’s gonna happen and to let it happen, even though the voice in his head screams so loud that he cant that this is a sin, that is something a good person should never do. 

he doesn’t care though, because as soon as chanhee’s lips are on his, the voice just disappears. all the demon in his mind disappear, everything disappears but chanhee, and his soft lips on seokwoo’s. 

seokwoo had given more passionate kisses on screen, this is like a third graders kiss or something, still, it’s the best kiss of his life. 

he knows they’ll do more, later. he knows the second chanhee pulls away and he instinctively grabs his arms but he keeps gently pulling away, but stops a few seconds just to hold his hand. 

then he goes, he stands and adjust his hair, like nothing happened but even if he doesn’t say anything, seokwoo knows. 

he knows he’ll go to his room later, and they’ll kiss until dawn, he knows it will be like this for many, many nights. he knows that even chanhee will think that every second not spent kissing will be a waste and group schedules will be a pain, being so close but unable to touch the way they want to. 

he just knows. and for the first time in a very long while, the future seems bright, seems other than diets and dramas and practice. 

«take care of yourself. see you.» 

chanhee goes away, leaving the door open, and seokwoo is still on the couch, wonderstruck, still processing what happened. 

the voice in his head is silent.

**Author's Note:**

> this was inspired by their anniversary vlive


End file.
